Taken for granted by your own family

Taken for granted by my own family

Sometimes people’s actions hurt. But there is no wound that’s deeper than the wound inflicted by your own family. Our family is our first community, first love. When they take us for granted, our world view changes for the worse. We will not trust easily other communities and we start to associate love with pain. Being taken for granted by your own family messes you up.

Being taken for granted hurts, no matter who is doing it to you. We all carry the desire to matter, to be someone, to be liked and to be appreciated. Add the fact that your family is supposed to love you unconditionally and they are the ones taking you for granted. It hurts even worse. Family equals love, well, at least that’s how it is supposed to be. But there are children who are being bullied by their own parents and there are some who are growing up with narcissist parents.

The signs of being taken for granted are:

• · They never listen to you

• · They call you bad names

• · Your family is never there for you when you need them

• · You are the family scapegoat

• · You are out of the loop. That’s when families do things like partying or planning without including you.

What to do about it?

• Discuss it

In a world of most black parents, there are no discussions about anything. The parents use authoritarian family style of parenting and you, the child, are expected to never challenge their rules. However, in order for there to be a change, you must become vulnerable and have difficult discussions with your family.

• Ask why

When it persists, you ask why it’s happening. Is it a lack of care? Is it ignorance? Are they narcissists? These are difficult questions to ask about your family. But the fact remains that you need to become fully aware of what is happening within the family dynamics. Is there some underlying issues about your birth? For example, is there a rumour of your parents cheating on each other? Where you planned? It’s hard to come to terms with the truth. But once you know why they are taking you for granted, you can come to terms with it and start the healing process. Knowledge is power.

• Accept it

Sometimes, there is no answer. It’s just the way things have been. You cannot justify them taking you for granted, but you can accept it. There are families that are very dysfunctional out there, and you may need to accept that your family is one of them. Acceptance helps you to heal and move on. It won’t hurt as much when you accept it.

Admittedly, it would be nice to be loved and appreciated by your own family. But, the truth is, some of us are not as lucky and we are born to people who don’t accept us, love us and will never see us for who we are.