But I am mother

But I am mother

Motherhood is important. No doubt about it. The idea that you can conceive and grow a pregnancy, give birth and nurture a child to adulthood is no small feat. It’s wonderful. However, in certain cultures and traditions a mother can do no wrong. That is a disturbing statement. Let me explain.

Be a decent human being

Most of us try to live life doing the right thing or at least to be as decent people as we can become. If you step on someone’s toes, the decent thing to say is ‘I am sorry.’ Whenever you are wrong, you are to say ‘I am sorry.’ At least that’s what most decent people do. If you don’t apologize after stepping on someone’s foot or for being late or whatever hurt you have caused, you are called names. You could be called a jerk, a selfish asshole, a dick, etc. Because people know that mistakes happen, but not apologizing for the said mistake is not acceptable to a lot of people. We want people to notice when they have hurt us. Of course, it’s not always possible to know that you have hurt someone. But if someone tells you that they are hurt by your words or actions, your apology is most likely accepted. Not all the time, but most times.

Cultures where mothers are 'perfect'

So how come some mothers in certain cultures can never be wrong? This goes to fathers too. How can you be a father to a 30 year old child or 20 yet you have never done any wrong towards the child? Is that not a way of thinking yourself perfect, almost like a narcissist? We all make mistakes. Relationships are complicated and that does not exclude the parent and child relationships. That’s just the way of life. But when you are a parent, I think you are more than likely to make mistakes with your child. It can be something minor or something big like not attending their school show or calling the child names during an angry outburst. The fact that most parents never apologise baffles me. To me, that means you see your child as a sub-servant, the one to take orders and never question your authority. Contrary to popular belief, parenthood is not an authoritative position.

Like I mentioned earlier, sometimes you may not know that you hurt someone. But most parents don’t apologize even after their mistakes are pointed out by their children. In most cultures, it’s because they believe, ‘I am mother so I can do no wrong’. That is sad. Because in those cultures it would have taken a lot for a child to confess their hurt feelings to their parents. For example, a child tells their mother about sexual abuse they suffered as a child due to that mother’s neglect and the mother refuses to take any responsibility of the child's hurt. No follow up questions to the child. Nothing. Somehow, that hurts more than the abuse.

Relationship challenges

I can understand that people can have different experiences at certain events in life. Then one person can define what happened based on their bias and the other person does the same. Which means different outcomes to different people. I believe that parents from cultures where the child is always wrong, their bias is parents equals to perfection. That is a conundrum because no person is perfect. Every relationship has it’s challenges so why not a parent and child relationship? We are told that open communication is key so why not have one with your child? You as a parent can either accept your mistakes or your child will resent you and or leave.

Children cutting off their parents

Most parents are then surprised when their children cut them off. They will bad-mouth the child and will never accept their responsibility in the failing relationship. I know that most people are incapable of self-reflection. That’s why a lot of evil happens in this world. But if you are a parent, please try and listen to what your child is saying. There is no pain than that of a broken family. You can be as cultured as you want, but make no mistake, you make as many mistakes with your child as any other parent.

It is brave for a parent to admit their wrong. Let’s have more parents that accept their part in bad parent and child relationships. Sometimes bad things happen and all you can say to allow your child to begin on the road to healing is, ‘I am sorry.’